By Cordell and Janice Vail
05 Oct 2003
A weekly email gospel message for the descendents of Ammon and Winona Vail
When is it adultery?
When is it adultery?
I am continually amazed at the number of people who are reading my "EPISTLES" web page and then writing to me to thank me for my testimony or for the research paper that I posted there that helped them in their life. For me, truly the Internet is a part of the fulfillment of Ammon's prophetic promise to us all in Alma 26:22 that we could "CONVERT 1000's".
This week I received another one of those letters from someone I have never met. I thought I would share it with you and my reply back to her. I have removed all the names and places so that it could not be an embarrassment if someone who knew them read it.
Your paper "The 10 steps that lead to adultery" www.cordellvail.com/epistles/10_Steps.htm has been most helpful. While my husband denies sexual intercourse with the "other woman" he does admit to kissing and being sexually aroused. I that felt from the time this was disclosed that it amounted to adultery. He disagrees with me. Whatever the full definition of adultery is, there is definitely a lack of trust on my part. He continues to put himself in situations that are potentially dangerous for our marriage. I can't seem to convince him of this though. Thanks
My Dear Friend,
I am glad that my research paper helped you. I find that more and more people, men in particular, are becoming deaf to the warnings of the living prophets. Especially as they watch shows on TV evening Tv or especially shows like soap operas and well just suggestive shows or movies that have explicit things in them that 20 years ago would have been considered X rated. Now it is just evening TV. People normally do what they see if they see it long enough and kids who watch unsupervised TV see it almost every day. YIKES!!!
Elder Scott said in October 2000 General Conference,
"Sexual intimacy in any of its forms, outside the covenant of marriage, is serious sin. Serious sin is addictive. It forges binding habits that are difficult to sever. If you have broken such laws, seek help from your bishop or stake president since such transgression requires a confession both to the Lord and to such a judge as a necessary step toward forgiveness. These sins can be avoided by not permitting anyone to touch the private, sacred parts of your body and by refusing to do that with anyone else."
And Elder Scott said again in April 2000 General Conference,
"There are men, and unfortunately some women, who experiment with stimulating those emotions by influences outside of the covenant of marriage. There is a great difference between love and lust. Pure love yields happiness and engenders trust. It is the foundation of eternal joy. Lust will destroy that which is enriching and beautiful. A husband must have no private, hidden agenda that is kept secret from his wife. Sharing everything about each other's personal life is powerful spiritual insurance. When you travel, take along a picture of your wife. Set it before you. Remember how you are loved and trusted. You will not be tempted to contaminate your mind or violate your covenants."
Both of these talks gave some very clear worded direction from a living prophet.
The other very clear statement that makes it plain to me is the statement of President Kimball’s in the book Miracle Of Forgiveness where he says Avoid Even the Thought
"The final act of adultery is not the only sin. For any man or woman to begin to share affection or romantic interest with any other than the spouse is an almost certain approach to ultimate adultery. There must be no romantic interest, attention, dating, or flirtation of any kind with anyone so long as either of the participating people is still legally married, regardless of the status of that marriage. Indeed, even the thought of adultery is sinful, as Jesus emphasized:
Ye have heard that it "as said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:
But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed
adultery with her already in his heart. (Matt. 5:27-28.)"
Spencer W. Kimball, The Miracle of Forgiveness, p.70
But as you seemed to have found out, as I have, when people start to do things that are not right they lose the Holy Ghost. Watching suggestive movies on TV is just a step but it is a starting step that leads to other things. Looking at pornography on the Internet is another huge step. 5 years ago our Stake President asked the bishops to make a list of the 10 worst problems they had in their ward. Internet Pornography was not even listed on any of the Bishops lists. Last year he did it again and it was #1 on ever Bishops list. President Hinckley has said over and over that Pornography is addictive. Truly it is. It is amazing how many men are doing that on the computer without their wives knowing about it. But you can see it in their countenances.
There are so many little subtle things that lead a man to start thinking bad thoughts, which then come eventually come to fruition in actions. Seeing bad movies, looking at immodestly dressed pictures on magazine covers at the grocery store, asking your wife to do “impure and unholy” things in intimate situations, hearing suggestive words in music.... well the list goes on and on... and once a person starts to participate in those things it causes him to lose his gifts. Once he has done it very much he will lose that Gift of The Holy Ghost, then they are normally not willing to listen to the teachings of the prophets. Many times they think they are an exception to the normal rules. Others just lose the spirit and don't care or don't think they will ever get caught. It is a vicious circle. Thus the 10 steps I guess.
I hope you can help him before he realizes that you "CANT FOOL THE CHICKENS" and he loses his salvation.
I send you my prayer and my blessing. May you have the inspiration to know what to do to help him before it is too late.
Your cyber friend and brother
You can read the paper "The Ten Steps That Lead To Adultery" at:
NOTE: Nothing in any of these Sunday Sermons is intended to represent the official doctrines of the Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. They are strictly instructions and teachings from Cordell and Janice Vail to their family.
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